Broken or Brokenhearted

Isaiah 61:1  …bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives.

Luke 4:18 …hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted..

I will be following a thread of “broken” until God directs me to a new topic.  So I invite you to come with me as a fellow traveller into God’s Word, His design, and hope for us along the journey of life.  Come….

Genesis 7:ll …fountains of the great deep ‘broken up’ (I believe that God is desiring to come to those deep broken places in our hearts to have fountains of His grace and mercy poured out.  He came to heal, not mainly the outward things that man can see, but the deep places of heart sicknesses that can’t be seen.

God says, “I see!  I hear the silent screams that are coming from within.”  I say, “Come unto Me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.

In Gen 1:1 “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.”  Even in the very first words of God’s message to us, He is showing us that He was there in the very beginning, creating.

You may think that no one knows the “troubles I see”; but God is right here at your beginning, today.  He says “Come unto Me.  I am the Creator of the heavens and the earth.  I was there and moved by My Spirit (my power, my comfort, my love) to be poured out when there was utter darkness,  where there was no form.  Do you feel like your life is in darkness? without form?  without purpose?  without connection to a God dream?

Then today is the DAY!  God is still creating because He Is the Creator of all things.  He must be who He is, and He is looking for those who will come to Him, that He can place His precious dreams into, so that they might walk with Him in the midst of His creation.  He said, “I came that you might have Life and that life abundantly!”  The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy.  Which one represents my life today?  When people see me and my life, do they give praise to the King?  God is calling His children to come out of where they are, and to come up to sit with Him in heavenly places.  There He will reveal Himself.  There He will give you eyes to see from His perspective.  There He will give you ears to “hear what the Spirit is saying”.  From that place, He will give you God sized dreams.  Then you will be able to say with Him, ‘Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, here on earth (in this earthen vessel), as it is in Heaven.”

Come, give your  ‘today’ to the Creator.  Give your past, your present, and your future   to the one who created the earth, the planets, the stars, and all that you see and even don’t see.  It was without form and it was void in the beginning.  Existence stood in utter darkness.  Darkness was on the ‘face of the deep’.  God wants to plant His Word into those places of “void” in your life.  He desires for you to dream again.  He says come up with me into the heavenly places.  Eph 1:3-6

        “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as he chose us in Him, before the foundations of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.”

My precious children, my creation, I extend to you an invitation of the King of kings, the Creator of all things, the I AM.  I know the secret places of wounds and brokenness.  I know the plans that I have for you.  They are to give you a future and a hope.  Come onto me all you who are brokenhearted.  I will bind up your wounds.  I will pour out from the fountain of love and grace, peace and joy, that flows from Me.

You need not money or fine clothes.  Come to Me, my children who have been without the full knowledge of a Father’s love, and I will clothe you with

Adoption

Simple truths are oftentimes the most profound

I can’t go to sleep until I write what is on my heart.  This truth has been pressing into my spirit and I believe that it is not only for me as a reminder, but is for all those that would have “ears to hear what the Spirit is saying”.

There is a simple child song that has come back to my spirit over and over the past couple of days.  “Trust and obey, there is no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.”  Wouldn’t you say that is a simple song?  But when you truly meditate on it, it is one of the most profound truths in walking with Jesus.  What two things do we often struggle with but to “trust and obey”.

This song brings me back to my first days as a Christian, and the first days of meeting and knowing Jesus as my first love.  As an “older, more mature Christian” there is a crustyness that sets into my heart, unless I remember and become and stay childlike and pliable as I was in those first days.

As we read in the book of Revelations, God confronts, those older, more “mature” Christians as  read the letter to the church of Ephesus.  They, “we” are forced to look and remember our first love as the Spirit tells us, Yes, I know your deeds (all that you have done to follow me) your hard work (all the difficult situations and trials you have faced along your journey), and “I know your perseverance.”  (Yes, you haven’t given up on Me.  You have persevered some wilderness experiences).  “I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men” (Yes, I score pretty good on that count as I see wickedness all around me, in politics, on T.V., in leadership of the nation, and even leadership in the churches.  I see oppression of the poor, the imprisoned, the “little guy”; and I hate it).  “that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false.”  Yes Lord, it is very difficult when we want so bad to follow a leader into truths, but then find them full of themselves and using others to build a “personal kingdom, with money, power, and position”.   This trusting is getting much more difficult as our eyes are cast down and discouraged when those we want to trust are proved to be untrustworthly, so we begin to withdraw unto ourselves.  Yes, Lord, are you not speaking to the leadership of our churches today.  Then He commends again by saying “You have persevered and endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary”, thanks Lord, it looks like I am making the grade.  I am this worn traveller on this journey for the past 33 years.  You see!  You Know!

Then we come to the next paragraph.  Ouch!  “Yet, I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.  Remember the height from which you have fallen!  Repent and do the things you did at the first.  If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.”

This portion brings me to the topic of “simple truths that are oftentimes the most profound”.  Do you remember your first love experience with the Lord?  I do, and when I do, this song comes to mind.  “Trust and obey, there is no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey. ”  Yes, those first days bring me back to that childlike place that God so loves.

Will you allow me to share and reminise of those days.  For you see, I was at that time I was working at Shaw AFB, S.C. as a secretary to the Deputy Wing Commander.  I had been divorced for a couple of years, and was a single mother with a daughter that was four years old at the time of our separation and had to leave my home at the base as well.  I was the first in my family to have experienced divorce and it was not looked on well in my family, for “a good Catholic girl didn’t get divorced”.  In those days, divorce was much more rare than it is today.  In the “religious circles” it was if I wore the scarlet letter stamped on my forehead “unclean”.  At that time, my brother must have had some pity on me, for now I was not allowed to receive communion at the Mass, so he came to show me how I could get into the good graces of the “church and God”.  After he gracefully explained the necessary things required for me to do, and the fees (that seemed enormous at the time that I would have to pay the church), then I might be graced with an annulment and allowed once again to receive communion.  The whole process proved impossible on most all counts.  Instead of helping me, a deeper understanding of my “lostness” was sealed.  There was no way for me to receive communion again, and to me that meant something very huge, for it meant that I could never “receive Jesus”, that He too rejected me.  My heart had been in a place of despair not only to be accepted by family, but to be accepted by God.  I am only bringing you to the place to understand my desperation and despair before “grace appeared that drew me to meet Jesus”.

In my desperate status, I concluded that since I couldn’t have Jesus in the communion, what was the sense of going through the Mass that was all centered around this communion sacrament.  So if God could not forgive me, and I couldn’t be close to Him or Him to me, then I was alone.  And since I couldn’t go through the annulment, it also meant that I wouldn’t be allowed to remarry in the church, and to get married would be a sin of adultery and I would go to hell.  So I accepted that I most likely was headed to hell and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.  My conclusion was then, to at least try to have a little heaven here in my remaining earthly years by finding someone to love me, and someone who I could love.

So my search began.  I looked for love in all the wrong places, and in so many faces.  I gave myself to them for I was a desperate woman, needing love, and this seemed like the only path left open to me.  Because I was young, and somewhat pretty, there were men who genuinely wanted me and told me the things I longed to hear.  Even though I met several very nice men, there was still something missing.  There was still a “hole” in my heart I was looking to fill.

I had just broken another’s heart, when I broke our engagement coming back from Georgia.  I told Doug that I couldn’t marry him, now that I had met his parents.  For their marriage was full of love for one another.  There was a type of royalty that they treated each other with.  I had never in my life seen such a beautiful marriage, and I had decided that Doug and I missed whatever it was that they had. (For you see, it was his dad that had  asked me if I had a personal relationship with Jesus.  Doug had successfully changed the subject, but had never talked to me about it again.  All I knew is that they had the “something” that I must have, if ever I was to get married again.

I was acquainted with a friend of Doug’s who was also a fighter pilot at Shaw Air Force Base.  He often sat by himself at the Officer’s Club for lunch.   I approached him to see if I could join him for lunch.  I knew he was married and was a man that I respected.  He oftentimes did not join in with the other men that partied and had been part of the group that I had come to know.  As I asked if I could join him, he closed the book he had been reading and set it aside to make room for me to place my tray of food.   It was a Bible.  Interesting!  I asked about the Bible and he began to speak to me about his relationship with Jesus, and what Jesus was telling him to do.  Through that conversation, I realized that he was speaking about a “personal relationship” with Jesus and he asked me if I have ever heard of such a thing.  I told him, “yes, Doug’s father asked me if I had this personal relationship, and I didn’t know what he was talking about.  I had poked Doug to ask him, but his response was that he would change the subject, and the conversation went another direction.  I believe now, that Doug was being confronted himself about leaving the way he was raised and going another direction with me.  However, here was God, bringing this man to explain the very question that I had wanted to ask Doug’s father, but didn’t just a few months earlier.

Yes, this is all leading up to that day, that hour, when I did meet “my real First Love, and His name was Jesus”.  This man, Rick, gave me a Four Spiritual Laws tract, and wrote his name and phone number on the back.  He said if I had any questions to please feel free to call him or his wife and they would be happy to answer any of my questions.  I quickly took it back to work and I couldn’t wait to read it and find the answers that it held.  After reading, I thought this is “just too simple”, that God so loved me, that he gave His Son to take the penalty of my sin, so that I might come into this relationship.  Wow!  Could this be true, after all that I had messed up in my life.  Could it be true, that I could come to Jesus and He would forgive and set up His throne and rulership in my life?  Could it be true, that it didn’t matter what the Catholic Church required for me to have “Jesus”  love me again?  Could it be true, that Jesus wanted and loved me, and all I needed to do was to believe what He did to pay for my sins?  Could it be true, that I could have a personal relationship with Him, and it wasn’t about going to church?  Could it be true, that He would remove the “stain of being unclean” that was stamped over my life by the church and others?

Rick and his wife extended an invitation to come to church with them.  I thought it better for me to drive my own car that day, in case I needed an early escape.  So I decided to meet them there.  That day is marked as the “day of remembrance” in my life that I will never forget.  For you see, I was a sinner, and had left a man in my bed that morning, as I got dressed to go to church.  This was to be the second time in two years that I was to step inside a church (for I was unclean).  However, God’s presence surrounded me like a blanket that day that I stepped into this small, quaint, mission church behind the Air Force Base.  The pastor lovingly preached the gospel of “good news” to a dying young woman, one who was marked “unclean”.  God looked at me that day as his eyes must have caught the eyes of that woman caught in adultery.  She was me.  All the church men, had come with the law, to bring her to Jesus, supposing that He too would pick up a stone along with them, to finish her life.  For she was declared guilty, and guilty she(I) was.  I fell to the ground condemned by the law.  But Jesus, spoke and possibly wrote about their sins, and said “he who is without sin, cast the first stone”.  Quieting the thirst for blood and righteousness, they too, one at a time put down their stones.  Jesus,  I believe, lifted her face and said “who condemns you woman?  She saw that they had all walked away, and she was left alone with Him.  His eyes were full of compassion and liquid love!  I saw His eyes and He saw mine.  There was no condemnation in His eyes!  Love had come to this sinner!  He said to her (me) neither do I condemn you.  Go and sin no more.”  Love had come in its purest form, and His name is Jesus!  My heart was undone!!

That Sunday morning, was the first day of my “new life”.  As I drove home, the car was full of a perfume that I was later to learn was one of the ways he reveals his presence.  Just then a heat started at the top of my head and began to move slowly over my body and then down and out my feet.  I was clutching the steering wheel, and crying and asking the Lord what He was doing.  He said; “I am washing you with my blood.  You are now a virgin before Me!   I was clean!  I was declared by God a “virgin”.  I knew that I was now a new person, with a new beginning, and that all that had been done at this point in my life was gone.  He had cleansed it all away!  Then He asked; Will you come and follow Me?”  My response was “Yes, Lord, wherever you want me to go, I will go!”.  He said; “I want you to move West.”

Then I realized, that I was experiencing a personal relationship. He was talking to me, and I was talking to Him.  The God and Creator of the universe was talking to me and loving me.  When He had finished washing me, He filled me with so much love I couldn’t contain it all, and it was like a river immersing me in this river of life, and love.  I had never in all my life ever experienced or imagined such a love.  I knew that I had the “hole” filled to overflowing in my heart.  All I wanted to do was shout, and sing, and tell everyone about Jesus and what He had done in my life.  I was full of His love, and a holy boldness.  (Up to that time, I had been a shy and fearful person)  I ran into the house to tell John my good news.  John was sitting up in the living room couch.  I ran in and told him all about my meeting Jesus, and the things that Jesus spoke to me, and that we could no longer live in sin, because Jesus had cleansed me, and I wasn’t going  back.  He had declared me a “virgin” and I was going to stay that way until one day I would get married again.

Needless to say, John was not prepared in his heart for this “good news”.  I told him he would have to leave and stay somewhere else when he came to town.  Plus, God was telling me to move west.

(There is more to the story – and I will continue with part 2 of simple truths ) Returning to my first love has been a tearful experience as I have written this story in the wee hours of this morning.  It is now 4 a.m. and I had better get to bed.  I have a full day awaiting me today of mentoring future leaders and missionaries (something that I love doing), and then I have been asked to speak to a class tonight at church who are preparing themselves to go into the prisons and be “carriers of His love and compassion, and declare the Good News.  Pray with me, that they will be carriers of God’s love in the purest form, and present Jesus!!

A Sight Problem

After spending time with the Lord this morning, I believe that He put something on my heart that I want to share with any of you readers.

Worry and fret is a sight problem.  We (I) have taken my eyes off the Lord, and placed them on the problem.  In that I am letting the “problem” dictate my mood, or my outlook.

Since I have started mentoring leaders and future leaders and missionaries, I realize that they fight this “sight problem” as well.  We are looking through the lenses of another, who does not see the Lord, high and lifted up.  The maker of the universe is in charge, not any other, unless we give “him” that charge.

When we are looking at “circumstances, or the future, based on limits we see with our looking down” today, we will miss the joy that He has provided for today.  Let us rejoice and be glad, for this is the “day” He has made.  He came that we might have Life and that Life abundantly.  Am I living that abundant life today?  What measurement are you using for the word “abundant”?

Jesus lived the “abundant” life!  He never lacked anything of true riches.  He was constantly looking up to see and hear from His Father.  He did all He came to do when He died on the cross.  He paid “in full” the debts that were held against us that would bring us to the debtors prison, called “hell”.  When Jesus breathed His last breath, He said; “It is finished!”  He paid the price in full and we can do nothing else to earn our salvation.  He did it all!

It is when we surrender our “self” focus and place our eyes on “Jesus” our Shepherd, that we can then live that life that is abundant.  A life full of joy!

Have you ever looked at someone with superiority because you have more than they in earthly finances or things?  I did many years ago until I received my “sight” at the cross.

The story goes like this:  While growing up in a middle class neighborhood, very religious, but no joy, I would get irritated at the neighborhood children who were forced out of their home in the early morning hours.  They were considered quite poor and I do remember my parents helping them to purchase Christmas presents, even though we had little ourselves.  These children would enter the yard running for the swingset.  Once on the swings, they sang the same ole song over and over again; “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to Him belong.  They are weak, but He is strong.”  I heard this same song over and over and had become quite irritated.  How could they sing that Jesus loves them, when they don’t have anything.  How can they always be in such a great mood and sing in the midst of their poverty.

Over the next years, my life became further and further from one who was joyful.  I never felt my parents love through a hug or words of praise or encouragement.  I felt alone, even though I lived in a family of nine children.  My graduation from High School was not a celebration like my two siblings who had graduated before me.  They were not only the “high achievers” with grades, but they had achieved high status with my parents because they had gone onto the Seminary and Convent.  That was the ultimate arrival in my parents eyes, and one that I couldn’t do.  For you see I had been sexually molested on a train ride returning home at Christmas time from the convent.  I had gone there following my sister, because I wanted my parents affirmation.  But due to that incident, I felt dirty and unqualified to continue.  So I lived with my shame and my secret for many years.

I had developed a “sight problem”.  I was looking at these children, but my eyes were “blind”.  I could not see the Jesus that they loved and sang about daily.  All I could see was the earthly things.

Years later, after much heartbreak due to “poor sight” which brought about “poor decisions”, I had a friend share with me about this “Jesus” and that He wanted a personal relationship with me, not only Him, but also His Father.  He said that Jesus came to die, that I might enter into His presence and have the opportunity to see things from “His perspective” rather than the one that I had grown up with.

I will never forget the day that this friend handed me a small “tract, entitled: Four Spiritual Laws”.  It was these simple but profound truths that brought hope in my life for the first time that would be everlasting.  I placed my hope, my life, in the hands of my Savior on April 21, 1977.  That is when I too began to see with new eyes, and hear with new ears, and follow after the one who loved me enough to die for me.  It truly was “At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light, and the burden of my heart rolled away.  It was there by faith I received my sight, and now I am happy all the day!” I love the old hymns because they express being lost, and then meeting the one who came with “Amazing Grace” into my life, and it truly started NEW!

I have walked many years and many miles later, and I know when I lose sight of Him, I need to return to the cross.  I need to return to my first love!  I am asking if any of you need to know this First Love, or need to return.  God has created us in His image, and He is not a loser!  He Wins!  I win, when I keep my eyes on Him.  He not only knows the way, but HE is THe WAY!  Keep focused and you will never lose!

Thought for the day:  Worry, fear, anxiety is a sight problem!  Selah

Hello world!

Welcome to my new blog.  Since this is my introduction to blogging, my first will only be a learning page (actually, until I get acquainted with this idea of communication, it will be a trial basis and I ask for your patience) only to say, you can teach an “old dog new tricks”.  Smile!  I liked seeing what my daughter is doing beyond facebook, and that is blogging.  I prefer longer, newsletter type messages, where I can journal and share those “treasures” that God gives me, as well as those that I find, or involved in.  I have many treasures since God is the giver of all good gifts, I can look through the lens of the Father’s heart with His children, His creation, and my participation in His plans.  So in order to cut this short, and yet an introduction to those on facebook and email, I will give thought to each post before I send it to my blog.  Hopefully, it will grow with me, as I learn to use the modern day letters to friends and family.

I am presently at my daughter’s home in Hendersonville, TN and enjoying their “tribe of five” in all their antics and various, and creative personalities.  One such event was the “ugliest Christmas sweater” contest for their small group Christmas party.  Tina had purchased some fairly plain sweaters that would be great for decorating, and she and I spent a fun afternoon  with glue and a miriad of fun kinds of crafts that she had collected. So if you get on my facebook you will see the results of the ugliest sweater contest with yours truly and my family.  lol  A look into our family times.

On a more serious note, my son-in-law’s mother (Gayle) had some pains in her chest which led her to the doctor and a quadruple bipass surgery the day before Christmas. It is great that they live nearby, so we were able to visit daily at the hospital.  Tina, Billy, and I went up to see her last night, and she is recovering, but they haven’t given her a release date yet, so we continue to pray till we see her back home, and actually getting some real rest.  The hospital is not a place of recovery.  She has not slept more than four hours at a time, with the different interruptions of nurses, doctors, different tests (MRIs), ect.  So I know that everyone will be glad when she is home.  She does thank everyone that is praying for her and gives God credit for the ease in which she is recovering.  Gayle has never been sick in her life before, so this is a total stretch for her.  Thank you Jesus for your grace and love.

I will be heading back to Dallas on December 1st, at which time I will be starting a whole new year with my car in the shop (due to an accident I was involved in two days before I was to fly to Tennessee).  Needless to say, I needed to stay in Dallas a bit longer before I was ready to celebrate Christmas in TN.  I have a $500 deductible for insurance, and they say that I was 25% at fault, so I don’t know yet, if I will be reimbursed once I pay they to get my car released.  Please pray for financial provisions to get my car out of the shop and that the insurance will recover at least a portion of the costs.  If so, I will get the $500 back at some point.

Not only did I have my car crash a week before Christmas, but my computer crashed a week prior to my car accident.  So guess what; I lost all my contacts and data on my computer.  So again, I am asking people to forward any and all contact information for yourself, so I can update my new hard drive.  Smile!  Please include your birthday information, address, email address, skype address, any phone numbers, information about children and their birth dates, etc.    Help!!!

I said this would be short, and it is already getting looooooong!  So let me leave this with a celebration, that God works all things together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.  I can see good out of all the “seemingly difficult times” in that I know that God is my source.  I can have His joy and peace, no matter what.  That the delayed trip to Tennessee gave me time with friends in Dallas that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.  The computer crash taught me a great lesson on backing up my documents, pictures, etc.  I was able to get a new hard drive before coming to see my daughter and family, so I can learn facebook and blogging.

I have also been making jewelry, first as a hobby, and now as an income source, has been distributed as Christmas gifts all over the northwest and Canada with a trucking friend that purchased 23 bracelets.  He has been placing them in a little gift bag with a gospel tract, and the ladies are raving about them.  So God is using it to bless others as well as me so I could pay some bills and purchase some Christmas gifts.  In the future, I will also be setting up another blog for my jewelry creations, for those interested.

Even though this will be my new way of doing newsletters, I do hope to hear from each of you on my Facebook a little more than two lines.  I love communication from you, and I certainly will attempt at doing better myself.

Christmas Love,

 

 

 

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